Everywhere we turn, we see relationships falling apart. Television shows dramatize steamy affairs and fragmented families. Celebrity divorces are lauded about on magazine covers. Politician’s love tragedies make headline news. But to someone experiencing it in real time, it hurts.
Breakups often trigger emotional chaos, mixed with confusion, and feelings of rejection and failure.
And consequences are the tip of the iceberg, as the true extent of the impact is a mass of shattered dreams,
hopes and expectations. And there is always a tipping point, where future dreams, past pain and present turmoil
erupt in an emotional storm. But there is an opportunity to rebuild and create something new. Nicola Beer shows us how it takes positive energy, focus and seven steps to create a new life
Energy is the foundation to creating a life you love. Rest, relaxation and learning to say no to others will go a long way. To move out of fear, stress and feeling overwhelmed, to action and productivity, you need energy.
The fastest way to get an abundance of good energy is to regularly consume nourishing, fresh, unprocessed foods. There is usually a tendency to overindulge in the wrong kind of food or completely disregard it altogether.
Neither aids the recovery process. Exercise is key also for energy creation.
The worst advice I ever received post breakup was to not think about it, which is impossible to do. It is both normal and natural to review and reflect on a relationship. Reflection can be a key part to moving on if you learn from it and don’t dwell on it. Reflect only to make note of lessons learned and use these to create a new life.
Releasing the negative emotions inside you is the key to healing. In fact, it is impossible to heal fully if you are
harbouring any anger, guilt, regret or sadness internally. There are numerous ways to release these emotions, so you need to find what works best for you. Some like journaling, blogging and writing letters they never send,
while others find playing out phantom conversations with their ex helps and then there are those who invest in a
specialist coaching or healing to guide them to release past baggage.
Forgiveness is the key to true freedom and love. Forgiving others allows you to unlock yourself from the chains and pain of the past. Many people struggle with the concept of forgiving, because they think that it means condoning or forgetting. It means neither! Forgiveness is an action, not a feeling. In order to forgive, you must act first.
REBUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE
The breakdown of a relationship often causes your self-confidence to plummet. Self-doubt can take over your entire thought process. You begin to doubt your choices, actions, attractiveness and ability to move forward. The secret to rebuilding confidence is feeling good about yourself. Taking action to boost your self-esteem may involve changes to your diet, hairstyle, clothes, home, career or learning something new. Stepping out of your comfort zone can also be a great confidence builder. Going to events, parties and family gatherings as a newly single person can be daunting, but many find pushing through this fear a liberating experience.
RECONNECT WITH YOURSELF
The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. Learning to love your own company is the foundation for creating a new life on your terms. Instead of coming home to someone else, you want to get excited about coming home to you. Imagine walking through your front door and coming home to the fun, chilled and happy you. The you in a good mood, the you that you love spending time with, because you’re only focusing on things you like to do. Indulge in activities that bring you peace and pleasure.
RECRUIT A SUPPORT TEAM
Breakups and divorce can leave you reeling for support but unsure of where to get it. Not all friends and family may be good for you, so take control and recruit a team that makes you feel strong. A team that doesn’t allow you to wallow in your pain but encourages you to move forward and be the best you can be.
REDISCOVER YOUR TRUE VALUES
After years of looking after others needs many find they have lost themselves in their relationship. The easiest way to create a life that will bring you lasting happiness and fulfilment is to rediscover and live by your values. To rediscover your values you must ask yourself what is important to you for now and the future. Asking yourself this question several times over, or better still get a friend to ask you, will give you some guiding principles to live, plan and make life decisions by.